Greg Hardy - The Kraken

Background
Greg Hardy was drafted by the Carolina Panthers in the sixth round of the 2010 draft after playing his college ball at Ole Miss. In college, Greg was a dominant pass rusher until he was sidelined by injuries, which is why he was drafted in the sixth round. Hardy has always had the talent of an early-round draft choice and he proved that much last season, tallying 11 sacks. After struggling to put it all together his first two years, Hardy blossomed in his third season as a pro. His vast improvement can be attributed to his hard work and his new-found counter-ego, "The Kraken".

"The Kraken is a giant monster that just demolishes everything that moves," Hardy told the Charlotte  Observer last year. "On Wednesday or Thursday, I go down in my subconscious. I find him, and I unlock the cage. About Saturday he usually comes out. Then he's always out on Sunday. I don't control him then. What he does when I'm not there, I don't know."

So during the vast majority of the NFL season, Greg Hardy is not Greg Hardy; he is a slightly-crazed, 290 lb. monster living in the real world(as well as Matt Ryan's worst nightmares) just waiting to be unleashed on Sundays. And when game days arrive, the Kraken paints his face, wears colored contacts, and tapes the words "The Kraken" over where his name usually appears on the back of his jersey (this is removed before kickoff but how cool is that?).

Hardy has gradually become one of my favorite NFL players. I am an avid Panthers fan so I have watched him since he first came into the league. I remember watching the first game of his rookie season.The Panthers are punting and I glance to the outside of the punt coverage team and there is Greg Hardy, all 6'4 290 lbs, playing gunner. That's the moment I became enthralled with the Kraken. And then there is this past season's hit on Carson Palmer that knocked Carson out of the game with broken ribs.

Why He Has Become A Fan Favorite

But what has really made me love the guy is his-field personality. He is a quote machine because he always says exactly what he is thinking, a rare feat in today's PC world. He also has made a huge effort to connect with fans this offseason by engaging them on Twitter, Reddit, CatScratchReader, and his own video blog (the links take you to the Kraken's interactions w/ fans). Many fans have taken notice and Hardy is quickly becoming a fan favorite among the Panthers faithful. Lets take a look at some of the Kraken's best moments over the years.

I chalLange @WHOISJPP or Julius peppers to a game of 1 on 1 loser declines their probowl invite since I don't have one #don'tbescared
— GQ (@ItsGHardy) January 2, 2013

Haha who wouldn't love to see this? Hardy straight calls Peppers out. What makes it even better is Peppers is an ex-Panther whom Hardy is helping to replace (if you are a Panthers fan you understand the awesomeness of this tweet). Also, both are great athletes; Peppers played some ball at UNC and the Kraken has a series of dunks on YouTube (take notice of his clothes and where this takes place)

I love this app lmao so bored http://t.co/XvgAzhStHq pic.twitter.com/1fs7M0HmeX
— GQ (@ItsGHardy) April 3, 2013

This is a great example of Hardy's humor and all-around awesomeness as a person. I also implore the Panthers to put this picture, this picture, this picture and this picture into their game day media guides. This would definitely be a big hit.

And lastly, I leave you with my favorite Kraken moment: "Get the F*** off our field". In week 4 of last year's NFL season, the Falcons made a miraculous comeback to beat the Panthers thanks to a 50-yard pass from their own goal line in the final minute of the game (special thanks to Haruki Nakamura aka you are the worst). After the game was over, Matt Ryan yelled "Get the F*** off our field!" to the opposing Panthers team. Well, the Kraken took notice. Fast forward to week 15 and the Falcons are playing the Panthers at home. After coming away with a victory, Hardy kindly returns Ryan's favor by yelling "Get the f*** off our field". And luckily, we have video documentation:

Priceless. The small white guy you see respond at the end of the clip is Atlanta's FG kicker, Matt Bryant. When asked about his post-game interaction with Bryant, the Kraken had this to say:

“I told him politely to remove himself from our facility because it was time to go, and he invited me to come watch him in January,” Hardy said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “It was a nice conversation. I really didn't know who he was. He was so small and weird-shaped, I was trying to figure out what he did,” Hardy said. “I found out when I looked online that he was a kicker. I was a little shocked.”

There is so much I could say in response to this, but it really speaks for itself. These are just a few examples why The Kraken has become one of my favorite players. I encourage you to check out the links I have posted and follow him on twitter; he is always entertaining and has a ton of respect for his fans.

NFL Roster Comprised of Current NBA Players

My friend and I are obsessed with NBA All-Star weekend. It has lost some of its luster recently, but it is still a phenomenal showcase of athleticism. NBA players are some of the greatest athletes on our planet and the all-star weekend really showcases this. One of my friends commented that Derrick Rose looked like a cheetah playing in last year's all-star game. NBA players can accelerate to full speed in seconds, stop on dimes, soar through the air, and spin quicker than a dreidel during Hanukkah. See Tony Parker Below:

And yes, I really just wanted an excuse to post this gif (back to the point at hand). Watching the All-star festivities got us to thinking...what would happen if you put NBA players on a football field? The possibilities are endless, and the potential of some of the players on a football field is downright scary; just think about Lebron James catching passes. Naturally, we then decided to compose a NFL roster using current NBA players. Note: we included one player currently in the D-league and one player currently playing in Turkey, simply because the player in Turkey could not be left off the team, period. Here is what we came up with:

Offense                               Defense                               Special Teams                                                             

WR Lebron James               DE Dwight Howard                  KR Ty Lawson          
 LT Zach Randolph              DT Glen Davis                        PR John Wall                  

 LG Luke Harangody            DT DeJuan Blair                      K Steve Nash               

   C Kevin Love                    DE Kendrick Perkins                P Matt Bonner      
RG JJ Hickson                  SLB Thomas Robinson                                              

RT Demarcus Cousins      MLB Joey Dorsey

TE Blake Griffin                WLB Kenneth Faried
Slot J.R. Smith                   CB Rajon Rondo
WR Shannon Brown            CB Derrick Rose

QB Kyrie Irving                    FS Dwyane Wade

RB Eric Bledsoe                  SS Russell Westbrook
              

Analysis:

We definitely have the nicknames needed to assemble a successful NFL roster. Zach "Z-Bo" Randolph and Demarcus "Boogie" Cousins anchor our offensive line. Side note: ever wonder how Cousins got his nickname "Boogie"? I sure did. Well, it turns out the story is not as good as I thought it was going to be. Demarcus was asked how he got the nickname on ESPN First Take and his response was:

Coach Rod Strickland at Kentucky gave me the name. I would be playing ball and I would do moves that guards would do and coach Strickland said, "Man, you got a lot of Boogie." Every time I walked into the gym he would say, "What's up Boogie!" and it just stuck.

Well he basically made it stick himself. His twitter handle is @boogiecousins and his middle name on Facebook is "Boogie"....no wonder it caught on! But let's be honest, if someone called me "Boogie Grantham", I would be doing all the above as well as naming my first child "Boogie Grantham".

On defense, we have Gen "Big Baby" Davis holding down the interior of the line. The crowd would definitely chant "Waaaahhhhhhh" every time he made a play because he's just a big baby...bad joke? And we also have Kenneth "The Mannimal" Faried playing linebacker, enough said. Last, but certainly not least, we have Matt "The Red Rocket" Bonner at punter. I mean, I couldn't think of a better nickname for a punter myself. As we all know, having a great nickname makes you much better at sports so our roster is looking really solid already.

Some of you might question the selection of Eric Bledsoe at RB. This was a hotly debated position that was eventually solved by performing a Google image search of Eric Bledsoe, which yielded this picture:

Reminder: this is a picture of him from college. The dude is 6 ft 1, 200 pounds and extremely explosive. If you need further proof, YouTube Eric Bledsoe dunks and keep in mind his height.

As far as how we are going to put up points, we have built our offense around Kyrie Irving, more affectionately known as "Uncle Drew".  Uncle Drew is built in the mold of RG3; he has dynamic vision, elite speed, and could flick the ball with ease down a football field. He would have fans yelling "that's a pocket pass"! all game long. The team would mainly function out of the spread, with Kevin Love delivering pin point shotgun snaps. At WR, we have three elite jumpers with blazing speed. Throw in Blake Griffin at TE and this group of pass-catchers could out-jump any secondary in the NFL. NFL RedZone would have to add a screen box specifically designed for this team.

Our defense is anchored by Joey Dorsey, a power forward most notably known for playing on Derrick Roses' Memphis squad. I fondly remember his fast-break windmills and his strip downs to wife beaters once he fouled out of games; this was a site because the guy was a mammoth. According to Wikipedia, during the 2007 NCAA Tournament, Dorsey famously called Ohio State center Greg Oden "overrated as a big man", said that Oden "might be as good as Joey Dorsey", and labeled himself "Goliath" and Oden "the little man". That is the kind of attitude needed to lead a NFL defense.

Our pass rushers, Dwight and Perkins, wouldn't be that effective at getting to the quarterback. However, how are you going to throw a pass over these guys let alone attempt a field goal? They would block more kicks than a Euro Leaguer's shin guards. Also, if Perkins ever got a quarterback, he would leave him looking like this:

In my opinion, the secondary is the best part of our team. Rajon Rondo and Derrick Rose would be shutdown corners on the edges. Rondo's hands would allow him to manhandle receivers at the LOS, pick off passes with ease, and give Brett Favre-esque butt slaps. D Rose has all-world quickness/agility that would allow him to blanket any receiver in the game. At free safety, Dwyane "Flash" Wade is allowed to roam the field, much like he does as a defender for the Heat. One of the best fits on the team is Russell Westbrook at strong safety. Can you imagine him running downhill at a ball-carrier in the same fashion he attacks the hole on fast breaks? Sheeshhh. Rusell would also set the fashion tone for our team.

On special teams,we have two of the fastest players in the NBA: Ty Lawson and John Wall. Ty has the straight-line speed to be devastating on kick returns and John Wall has the elusiveness and spin-moves to decimate coverage units on punt returns. Wall could also lead our team in pregame dances:

I talked about the Red Rocket earlier as our punter; couldn't you see him being able to just boom the football?. Steve Nash rounds out our roster at kicker. He is white, Canadian, and an accomplished soccer player, a great fit for the position.

Our roster is filled with exceptional athletes that would wreak havoc in space, but the team just doesn't have the size up front necessary to compete in the National Football League. The linemen are too tall and not thick enough; they would be abused in the leverage battle. However, getting this team in the open field would provide some very entertaining stuff. That's it, folks. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think of the roster in the comments. Special thanks to Camp Arnett for helping me assemble the team.